Introduction
House rules determine whether you stay housed or get discharged. Most removals from sober living happen due to rule violations — not relapse alone.
Rules matter more than rent price. A $300/month room with unclear rules is higher-risk than a $600/month room with written, consistent enforcement.
This guide exists to help you avoid surprise discharge. Understanding rules before move-in is the difference between stable housing and being back on the street within 48 hours.
What Sober Living House Rules Actually Are
House rules are not therapeutic tools. They are contractual and operational mechanisms that manage liability, order, and risk.
Rules exist to protect the house — not individual residents. They reduce legal exposure, maintain structure, and control behavior. This isn’t criticism. It’s function.
Enforcement discretion varies widely by home. Two residents can break the same rule. One gets a warning. One gets discharged. Staff discretion plays a major role.
Friendly staff does not mean flexible enforcement. A house manager who is kind during intake may strictly enforce every rule after you move in.
Verbal assurances do not override written rules. If written rules say “no MAT” but staff verbally say “Suboxone is fine,” the written rule controls. When conflict arises, you lose.
Common Sober Living Rules (Neutral Overview)
Most sober living homes have similar rule categories:
Curfews: Residents must return by a specific time (8pm, 9pm, 10pm). Late arrival can trigger discharge.
Mandatory meetings: House meetings, 12-step meetings, or program attendance. Missing them violates rules.
Drug and alcohol testing: Random or scheduled. Positive tests usually mean immediate discharge.
Guest restrictions: No guests, or guests only in common areas during specific hours. Overnight guests almost always prohibited.
Medication policies: Prescription medications may require documentation, storage in locked areas, or staff verification. Some homes prohibit certain medications entirely.
Chores and cleanliness: Assigned cleaning duties, shared responsibility for common areas. Failure to complete chores can be a violation.
Employment or job-search requirements: Some homes require active employment or documented job searching within specific timeframes.
These aren’t judgments. They’re standard operating practices. Whether they work for you depends on your situation.
Rules That Commonly Lead to Immediate Discharge
Some violations trigger removal without warning or appeal. Know them before you move in.
Positive drug or alcohol test: Most homes have zero-tolerance policies. One positive test = immediate discharge, regardless of circumstances.
Missed curfew: Even by minutes. Some homes discharge on first violation. Others give warnings. Most don’t clarify which until after violation.
Unauthorized guests: Having someone in your room or on property without permission. This includes family members.
Missed mandatory meetings: Skip house meeting or required program attendance without prior approval = violation.
Medication violations: Possessing undocumented medication, storing medication improperly, or taking MAT when policies prohibit it.
Verbal conflict labeled as “disruptive behavior”: Raising your voice, arguing with staff or residents, or “creating drama” can be grounds for removal even without physical confrontation.
Enforcement can be strict and fast. Warnings are not guaranteed. Many homes have “three strikes” policies in writing but enforce “one strike” in practice.
Appeals are rare. Once staff decide you’re discharged, there’s usually no formal process to challenge it. You leave.
Medication Policy & MAT (High-Risk Area)
Medication policies — especially around Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT) like Suboxone or Methadone — are one of the most common causes of surprise discharge.
The pattern:
During intake, staff verbally say MAT is allowed. You move in. Later, written rules prohibit MAT, or require storage/documentation requirements you can’t meet. You’re discharged for medication violation.
Why this happens:
- Written rules prohibit MAT but staff want to fill beds
- Rules require doctor verification, locked storage, or daily witnessed dosing that’s impractical
- “Allowed” means theoretically allowed under impossible conditions
What you need confirmed in writing before move-in:
- Are MAT medications explicitly allowed?
- What documentation is required?
- Where must medication be stored?
- Who verifies doses?
- What happens if you miss a verification appointment?
If medication policies are unclear or only explained verbally, the risk of surprise discharge is high.
All medication rules must be written. If staff say “it’s fine” but won’t put it in writing, assume it’s not fine. Walk away.
Written Rules vs Verbal Rules
If rules are not written, they can change without notice. What’s allowed today may be prohibited tomorrow. You have no documentation to reference.
Verbal explanations are not binding. Staff promises during intake don’t matter if they’re not documented. When enforcement happens, written rules control.
Selective or inconsistent enforcement is common. Rules applied to some residents but not others. You can’t predict which side you’ll be on.
If rules are not written and provided before move-in, that is a serious risk. You’re agreeing to conditions you don’t fully know. This creates vulnerability.
What to require:
- Complete written house rules before move-in
- Signed acknowledgment that you received them
- Copy for your records
If a home refuses to provide written rules, that’s information. Don’t move in.
Rule Enforcement Reality
“Zero tolerance” policies are common. Homes advertise structure and accountability. In practice, this means immediate discharge for violations — sometimes first offense.
Staff discretion plays a major role. Two people violate curfew. One has been there 6 months with no issues. One has been there 2 weeks. Both might get discharged — or only one. Discretion is unpredictable.
Residents often have little recourse. No appeals process. No mediation. Staff decision is final.
Removal decisions may be immediate. “Pack your things, you have 2 hours to leave” is common. No transition period. No time to arrange alternative housing.
This is not speculation. This is how sober living discharge typically works. Knowing this changes how you evaluate rules.
The Supervision Paradox (Probation / Parole Risk)
Many sober living residents are under probation or parole supervision. This creates compounding legal risk.
How conflicts happen:
Sober living requires 9pm curfew. Probation requires you work night shift at your job. You violate house curfew to comply with employment requirement. You get discharged from sober living.
Discharge is reported to your probation officer. Officer interprets this as “failure to maintain stable housing” — a supervision violation. You face sanctions or reincarceration.
The problem: House rules and supervision conditions don’t always align. When they conflict, you carry the risk — not the house, not your officer.
Discharge from sober living due to rule violation is often reported to supervision officers. Even if the violation was minor (missed meeting, late curfew), it creates a formal record.
For people under supervision, house rules are not just housing rules. They are legal risk factors.
What to do before move-in:
- Confirm house rules are compatible with supervision conditions
- Get written confirmation from sober living that they’ll work with your officer if conflicts arise
- Verify curfews, employment requirements, and meeting obligations don’t conflict
- Ask how violations are reported to supervision
If a home is unwilling to clarify or coordinate with supervision, find another option. The legal risk is too high.
House Rules as an Eviction Mechanism
Most sober living residents are legally considered guests or licensees — not tenants. This changes everything.
What this means:
- Standard tenant protections don’t apply
- Formal eviction processes don’t apply
- You can be removed immediately with little or no notice
Rule violations replace eviction. Instead of going through court, operators discharge you for violating house rules. Legally, they’re terminating a guest arrangement — not evicting a tenant.
This is faster and simpler for operators. They tell you to leave. You leave. If you refuse, they call police to remove a trespasser.
Risk is higher in low-cost or overcrowded homes. When financial margins are tight and turnover is high, operators use rules to cycle residents out quickly if problems arise.
You have minimal recourse. No court hearing. No chance to dispute. Once staff decide, you’re out.
Knowing this changes how rules should be evaluated. Every rule is a potential trigger for immediate removal. Take them seriously.
Legal classifications vary by state, but many sober living homes operate under guest or licensee models rather than tenant protections.
Questions to Ask Before Moving In
Get clear answers to these questions before signing anything:
Are all rules written and provided in advance? If no, don’t move in.
Which violations lead to immediate discharge? Distinguish between warnings and instant removal.
Is there a warning or appeal process? Or is first violation grounds for discharge?
Who enforces the rules? Staff? House manager? Owner? Residents?
Are rules applied consistently? Ask residents directly if possible.
What happens if I relapse? Immediate discharge? Treatment referral? Grace period?
How much notice is given before removal? 24 hours? 48 hours? Same day?
Are medication policies clearly written? Especially MAT. Get specifics on storage, verification, documentation.
Are rules compatible with my probation/parole conditions? Verify curfews, employment, and reporting requirements don’t conflict.
If answers are vague or avoided, that is information. Uncertainty means risk. Risk means you should look elsewhere.
Closing
Sober living is conditional housing. Your stay depends on continuous rule compliance. One violation — even unintentional — can end your housing immediately.
Unclear rules create risk. If you don’t know exactly what’s expected and what triggers discharge, you’re vulnerable to surprise removal.
You have permission to walk away from unsafe or ambiguous rule environments. Saying no to housing that feels unclear or unstable is not failure. It’s protection.
Evaluate rules before evaluating price. A cheap room with unpredictable enforcement is higher-risk than expensive housing with clear, written rules.
Related guides: Affordable Sober Living, Emergency Assistance, and Stability First, Upgrades Second.